前段时期经历了一段情绪期，来得突然（其实事出必有因啦），但好在去的也快（应该快吧？！断断续续的，不到一星期啦。。）
说真的，很不好过。情绪不好，周围发生的事也不会好。发现自己似乎变成了乌龟，扭扭捏捏，跨不出去，结果什么事都不称心。就说senior freshie night，除了舞蹈很开心外，其实没什么enjoy到，因为情绪没有很好。
昨天早上刚醒来赶功课，其实也一直很累。但过了一段时间好像突然醒了过来，觉得自己被自己绑住了。很奇怪的感觉，就突然觉得自己很傻，居然让自己情绪不好。。
看看自己，其实一直都把自己绑住了。我认为对的，我会让自己去跟。就像我知道，自己永远会为自己选择最好的，做对自己好的决定。（会不会有一天，当我不再绑住自己，那时我会不会过度放肆？）我一直认为，除了自己，没有人能帮助我。我一直不会很深入的跟别人讨论自己的问题，因为我不想因为发泄而伤害其他人。我知道，人是没有资格批评其他人的。我会接受其他人批评，但我尽量阻止自己这么做（虽然有时还是会），因为我知道这会伤害到其他人。（也许有一天我更了解这个人时，我会后悔曾讲过他坏话。。）
我很想参入一群人，但还是一直处于旁观的位置。我以为我看开了，但也许我还是抱着希望，还是有点执著，所以情绪就藏在心里看不见的位置发酵了。菁菁说我疯不起，我知道，我不可能逼自己放得那么开。如果我只能处于旁观者，笑看他们疯，我希望这不会再让我有芥蒂。
情绪期带来太多负面的感受，真的很难控制。就算我再不想封闭自己，但就是走不出来。希望下一次的情绪期，能够早日看清，醒过来，不要影响我的生活了。
Angcheng，谢谢你一直想帮我，但那时就是很难走出来。我觉得可能是荷尔蒙失调，所以影响了情绪。你讲过的话，有些听进去了，有些忘了，但还是有些帮助的。我从来没觉得你忽略我，因为你有你的生活，不需要为了我有什么改变。我不想绑住任何人，因为我自己也很怕被绑住。长这么大，你应该是对我最好的女性朋友了。哈哈。。好室友！
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Saturday, July 25, 2009
我的未来？？
每次上课回答WHAT IS YOUR FUTURE CAREER/ FUTURE AMBITION? 我都是回答：BECOME A COUNSELOR, HELPING PEOPLE. THEN IF FIND MYSELF LACK OF ABILITY, CONTINUE TO FURTHER TO MASTER LEVEL. 现在想想，这只是工作方面。那生活呢？
昨天，在和带我跟菁菁去一个私人住宅组屋区游泳（忘了地名）。那里好舒服、好休闲。躺在泳池边的躺椅上，凉风习习，宁静得让人忘了生活的紧张。我相信，每个人一定都有自己心目中理想的家，姑且不谈有没有能力达到，都一定有自己的dream house! 知道自己绝对没可能办到，（除非钓到金龟婿咯），所以我就不去想那个理想的房子了。如果我有一间房子，我要最适合我的设计、完善的设施、舒服的家具、美丽的灯光设备、足够的空间。。。这只是如果。。
我不是一个懂得享受生活的人，所以我（至少目前为止）不会为了拥有理想中的生活享受而付出一切的努力去得到。不是不可能的，看那么多直销界成功人士的生活，我知道要拼，不是不能，只是我没那种野心、那种看见。偶像剧里的那种奢侈生活，人人都想要，但不是必要。这个世界是虚空的，一切都是虚空的。很多人不知道活着的意义是什么，不明白真理。天国的荣耀，有多少人懂呢？很明显，我也不是很懂，要不然我不会坐在这里。我也是一个愚昧人哪。。
昨天，在和带我跟菁菁去一个私人住宅组屋区游泳（忘了地名）。那里好舒服、好休闲。躺在泳池边的躺椅上，凉风习习，宁静得让人忘了生活的紧张。我相信，每个人一定都有自己心目中理想的家，姑且不谈有没有能力达到，都一定有自己的dream house! 知道自己绝对没可能办到，（除非钓到金龟婿咯），所以我就不去想那个理想的房子了。如果我有一间房子，我要最适合我的设计、完善的设施、舒服的家具、美丽的灯光设备、足够的空间。。。这只是如果。。
我不是一个懂得享受生活的人，所以我（至少目前为止）不会为了拥有理想中的生活享受而付出一切的努力去得到。不是不可能的，看那么多直销界成功人士的生活，我知道要拼，不是不能，只是我没那种野心、那种看见。偶像剧里的那种奢侈生活，人人都想要，但不是必要。这个世界是虚空的，一切都是虚空的。很多人不知道活着的意义是什么，不明白真理。天国的荣耀，有多少人懂呢？很明显，我也不是很懂，要不然我不会坐在这里。我也是一个愚昧人哪。。
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
生病了。。
我都忘记生病是什么感觉了。。上一次是几时？也忘了。好像是1st year时，那时是肠胃不适。这次是发烧感冒，流行的。前几天还可以很自豪地说，我已经快五年没吃panadol了！结果星期五去clinic，才第一关检验，医护人员问我吃了药没，我说没，就直接被塞了2粒panadol。。又要等几年才能去清毒素了。。
情绪期过了。繁忙期来了。捞来了一个大功课。下星期一个40分钟的presentation。Tutorial第一个题目，好勇敢哦，捡人家推都来不及的。也好啦，以后就少一个功课啦。借来7本书，研究什么是genetic counseling。真的不懂哦。。做出来就懂了。敢接就要敢做。
其实身边有很多给我学习辅导技巧的机会。我也发现到自己真得很不足。当然不能跟很多经验的教授们相比，但我真的需要很多的improvement。最遗憾的是我还做不到同感。似乎比较习惯去想帮人解决问题。但其实同感更能让client感受到关怀，就像上次Miss Nicole给予我那种肯定。那种讲出我心里感受的感觉，很棒，很贴心。真的要更加把劲了。
菁菁提醒了我，好像又有很多不想做的事要去做了。曾几何时，也有过这种感觉。忘了自己那时是怎么过的。是要改变自己的想法，去喜欢那些事，还是丢掉它呢？真的忘了。多爱自己一点吧！头有点不舒服。。感冒还没好噢。。爸妈都叫我多休息点。。我会听话的。。哈哈。。
情绪期过了。繁忙期来了。捞来了一个大功课。下星期一个40分钟的presentation。Tutorial第一个题目，好勇敢哦，捡人家推都来不及的。也好啦，以后就少一个功课啦。借来7本书，研究什么是genetic counseling。真的不懂哦。。做出来就懂了。敢接就要敢做。
其实身边有很多给我学习辅导技巧的机会。我也发现到自己真得很不足。当然不能跟很多经验的教授们相比，但我真的需要很多的improvement。最遗憾的是我还做不到同感。似乎比较习惯去想帮人解决问题。但其实同感更能让client感受到关怀，就像上次Miss Nicole给予我那种肯定。那种讲出我心里感受的感觉，很棒，很贴心。真的要更加把劲了。
菁菁提醒了我，好像又有很多不想做的事要去做了。曾几何时，也有过这种感觉。忘了自己那时是怎么过的。是要改变自己的想法，去喜欢那些事，还是丢掉它呢？真的忘了。多爱自己一点吧！头有点不舒服。。感冒还没好噢。。爸妈都叫我多休息点。。我会听话的。。哈哈。。
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Heavy emotional day..
Negative emotional part..
Arise from tennis incident. I start mention that long time not having sport since I come back here. So, lunch time plan to play tennis at 5pm with Angcheng. We really plan it, only had to borrow racket. I was quite happy to have sport day soon. 5:15++pm, I back, called Angcheng, she asked me go tennis court, but had to borrow another racket coz only 2 there. Ok, I asked shiling, she said she dont have, asked me ask shan. I asked, I forgot what she told me, just knew I fail to borrow one. Called rebecca, her bf said she was sleeping, sick. Nvm, I go up tennis court, I see Shan. (Wondering why she didnt told me she was there already just now). They asked me called weihong. Ya, he got racket, but dont know his room got people or not. Then Rongqing go down, take the racket. (Wondering why he not say that he is weihong roomate since just now. I forgive that he didnt know weihong got racket, but why is me to ask for it?)
I was very negative that time. I see Rongqing take the racket and join them play tennis after that. I felt myself was so foolish. So stupid me. I called here and there, but end up I sit at the side to see them playing. This time I really not thinking of organizing tennis game for others, its for myself. I lost the interest to play tennis that time. I couldnt talk much, my heart was shouting. I felt like I want to go running, but I am lazy.. I just sit there, watch them playing, smiling. I didnt want to speak out, as I was so emo that time. I will cry if I told my feeling that time. I dont mean to blame anyone, as that was not what I wish. I just experience deep touch from the group counseling class hours before. I just want u know, what happen at that time.
Group Counseling..
I felt quite helpless, but not so deep before that. In the group counseling conducted by Ammar, Miss Nicole asked us to draw a picture represent ourselves. I drew a helping hand, with a heart shape body, with wave shaped mouth. I said, many people with broken heart need help, but I just havent have enough knowledge and ability to help them. So I was not so happy. Ammar said a point, although I dont have enough ability, but I got backup support and help from others, especially my group members, coursemates, I really appreciate it.
What make me really touch coming from Miss Nicole's words. I am didnt remember what she told, but what I got from her was really touching. She felt my initiation to help, my inner strength of willingness to offer help. I realised my own weakness, but she realised my initiation to help. She guide me to see the positive initiation, instead of being defeated by my weakness. I seek help from her after that. I found out that she see things so different from me. I only think of how to make xx think more positively, but she ask me to give her more support, realise support from family, explore the world to discover what other route can be taken. Miss Nicole gives me many support, telling me that she trust that I can do it!
I know, I am not perfect. But I can do as much as I can, instead of keep thinking that I cant do so much. Miss Nicole said that we can put the seed of love in somebody's heart, and maybe it will grow after some times. I really appreciate her words. She was caring, concerning counselor. I wish that I can be like her, can really help others effectively.
Anywhere, I am fine now. Thanks Angcheng, kenkeat for being there for me that time. Maybe u didnt do anything at all, but for me, God bless me through u. Another sharing, I accompany one more friend that night, awaken by sleeping call, and chat for one hour. Wish u gain ur strength and love urself more princess!
Arise from tennis incident. I start mention that long time not having sport since I come back here. So, lunch time plan to play tennis at 5pm with Angcheng. We really plan it, only had to borrow racket. I was quite happy to have sport day soon. 5:15++pm, I back, called Angcheng, she asked me go tennis court, but had to borrow another racket coz only 2 there. Ok, I asked shiling, she said she dont have, asked me ask shan. I asked, I forgot what she told me, just knew I fail to borrow one. Called rebecca, her bf said she was sleeping, sick. Nvm, I go up tennis court, I see Shan. (Wondering why she didnt told me she was there already just now). They asked me called weihong. Ya, he got racket, but dont know his room got people or not. Then Rongqing go down, take the racket. (Wondering why he not say that he is weihong roomate since just now. I forgive that he didnt know weihong got racket, but why is me to ask for it?)
I was very negative that time. I see Rongqing take the racket and join them play tennis after that. I felt myself was so foolish. So stupid me. I called here and there, but end up I sit at the side to see them playing. This time I really not thinking of organizing tennis game for others, its for myself. I lost the interest to play tennis that time. I couldnt talk much, my heart was shouting. I felt like I want to go running, but I am lazy.. I just sit there, watch them playing, smiling. I didnt want to speak out, as I was so emo that time. I will cry if I told my feeling that time. I dont mean to blame anyone, as that was not what I wish. I just experience deep touch from the group counseling class hours before. I just want u know, what happen at that time.
Group Counseling..
I felt quite helpless, but not so deep before that. In the group counseling conducted by Ammar, Miss Nicole asked us to draw a picture represent ourselves. I drew a helping hand, with a heart shape body, with wave shaped mouth. I said, many people with broken heart need help, but I just havent have enough knowledge and ability to help them. So I was not so happy. Ammar said a point, although I dont have enough ability, but I got backup support and help from others, especially my group members, coursemates, I really appreciate it.
What make me really touch coming from Miss Nicole's words. I am didnt remember what she told, but what I got from her was really touching. She felt my initiation to help, my inner strength of willingness to offer help. I realised my own weakness, but she realised my initiation to help. She guide me to see the positive initiation, instead of being defeated by my weakness. I seek help from her after that. I found out that she see things so different from me. I only think of how to make xx think more positively, but she ask me to give her more support, realise support from family, explore the world to discover what other route can be taken. Miss Nicole gives me many support, telling me that she trust that I can do it!
I know, I am not perfect. But I can do as much as I can, instead of keep thinking that I cant do so much. Miss Nicole said that we can put the seed of love in somebody's heart, and maybe it will grow after some times. I really appreciate her words. She was caring, concerning counselor. I wish that I can be like her, can really help others effectively.
Anywhere, I am fine now. Thanks Angcheng, kenkeat for being there for me that time. Maybe u didnt do anything at all, but for me, God bless me through u. Another sharing, I accompany one more friend that night, awaken by sleeping call, and chat for one hour. Wish u gain ur strength and love urself more princess!
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
第三年过渡期
现在，应该是所谓的过渡期吧。。
感觉--没安全感？寂寞？烦躁？很累？我不知道。。这就是过渡期呀。但我知道，很快会过去了，这种情绪化的情况。因为是我！还在想，如果菁菁在这里，我会好点吗。。发现自己不想呆在房间，很想离开，但又无处可去。发现自己一个人时，会坐在桌上着，看着窗外，其实却没注视什么。选择相信，不要担心感情变质。。
第三年了，好像上课时间还是很少，但教授给的功课，辅导实验却多了很多很多。有点开始担心要上哪里找client了。想试试自己的能力，想看自己到底有多少资格了，但还是有点担心。
宿舍生活，还没意识到有什么特别的转变。但我知道会很不同。老老senior们，给点忠告吧。。我会试着做回自己。人少了，就会更被关注了。希望大家能了解，我不是不愿意发言，只是我是知而言，不知则不言。我不说话，真的是因为我不懂。。请相信，我是很容易被一大堆胡乱的思想搞乱的。对不起，我不是故意的。。
感觉--没安全感？寂寞？烦躁？很累？我不知道。。这就是过渡期呀。但我知道，很快会过去了，这种情绪化的情况。因为是我！还在想，如果菁菁在这里，我会好点吗。。发现自己不想呆在房间，很想离开，但又无处可去。发现自己一个人时，会坐在桌上着，看着窗外，其实却没注视什么。选择相信，不要担心感情变质。。
第三年了，好像上课时间还是很少，但教授给的功课，辅导实验却多了很多很多。有点开始担心要上哪里找client了。想试试自己的能力，想看自己到底有多少资格了，但还是有点担心。
宿舍生活，还没意识到有什么特别的转变。但我知道会很不同。老老senior们，给点忠告吧。。我会试着做回自己。人少了，就会更被关注了。希望大家能了解，我不是不愿意发言，只是我是知而言，不知则不言。我不说话，真的是因为我不懂。。请相信，我是很容易被一大堆胡乱的思想搞乱的。对不起，我不是故意的。。
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