Negative emotional part..
Arise from tennis incident. I start mention that long time not having sport since I come back here. So, lunch time plan to play tennis at 5pm with Angcheng. We really plan it, only had to borrow racket. I was quite happy to have sport day soon. 5:15++pm, I back, called Angcheng, she asked me go tennis court, but had to borrow another racket coz only 2 there. Ok, I asked shiling, she said she dont have, asked me ask shan. I asked, I forgot what she told me, just knew I fail to borrow one. Called rebecca, her bf said she was sleeping, sick. Nvm, I go up tennis court, I see Shan. (Wondering why she didnt told me she was there already just now). They asked me called weihong. Ya, he got racket, but dont know his room got people or not. Then Rongqing go down, take the racket. (Wondering why he not say that he is weihong roomate since just now. I forgive that he didnt know weihong got racket, but why is me to ask for it?)
I was very negative that time. I see Rongqing take the racket and join them play tennis after that. I felt myself was so foolish. So stupid me. I called here and there, but end up I sit at the side to see them playing. This time I really not thinking of organizing tennis game for others, its for myself. I lost the interest to play tennis that time. I couldnt talk much, my heart was shouting. I felt like I want to go running, but I am lazy.. I just sit there, watch them playing, smiling. I didnt want to speak out, as I was so emo that time. I will cry if I told my feeling that time. I dont mean to blame anyone, as that was not what I wish. I just experience deep touch from the group counseling class hours before. I just want u know, what happen at that time.
I felt quite helpless, but not so deep before that. In the group counseling conducted by Ammar, Miss Nicole asked us to draw a picture represent ourselves. I drew a helping hand, with a heart shape body, with wave shaped mouth. I said, many people with broken heart need help, but I just havent have enough knowledge and ability to help them. So I was not so happy. Ammar said a point, although I dont have enough ability, but I got backup support and help from others, especially my group members, coursemates, I really appreciate it.
What make me really touch coming from Miss Nicole's words. I am didnt remember what she told, but what I got from her was really touching. She felt my initiation to help, my inner strength of willingness to offer help. I realised my own weakness, but she realised my initiation to help. She guide me to see the positive initiation, instead of being defeated by my weakness. I seek help from her after that. I found out that she see things so different from me. I only think of how to make xx think more positively, but she ask me to give her more support, realise support from family, explore the world to discover what other route can be taken. Miss Nicole gives me many support, telling me that she trust that I can do it!
I know, I am not perfect. But I can do as much as I can, instead of keep thinking that I cant do so much. Miss Nicole said that we can put the seed of love in somebody's heart, and maybe it will grow after some times. I really appreciate her words. She was caring, concerning counselor. I wish that I can be like her, can really help others effectively.
Anywhere, I am fine now. Thanks Angcheng, kenkeat for being there for me that time. Maybe u didnt do anything at all, but for me, God bless me through u. Another sharing, I accompany one more friend that night, awaken by sleeping call, and chat for one hour. Wish u gain ur strength and love urself more princess!