Thursday, July 16, 2009

Heavy emotional day..

Negative emotional part..

Arise from tennis incident. I start mention that long time not having sport since I come back here. So, lunch time plan to play tennis at 5pm with Angcheng. We really plan it, only had to borrow racket. I was quite happy to have sport day soon. 5:15++pm, I back, called Angcheng, she asked me go tennis court, but had to borrow another racket coz only 2 there. Ok, I asked shiling, she said she dont have, asked me ask shan. I asked, I forgot what she told me, just knew I fail to borrow one. Called rebecca, her bf said she was sleeping, sick. Nvm, I go up tennis court, I see Shan. (Wondering why she didnt told me she was there already just now). They asked me called weihong. Ya, he got racket, but dont know his room got people or not. Then Rongqing go down, take the racket. (Wondering why he not say that he is weihong roomate since just now. I forgive that he didnt know weihong got racket, but why is me to ask for it?)

I was very negative that time. I see Rongqing take the racket and join them play tennis after that. I felt myself was so foolish. So stupid me. I called here and there, but end up I sit at the side to see them playing. This time I really not thinking of organizing tennis game for others, its for myself. I lost the interest to play tennis that time. I couldnt talk much, my heart was shouting. I felt like I want to go running, but I am lazy.. I just sit there, watch them playing, smiling. I didnt want to speak out, as I was so emo that time. I will cry if I told my feeling that time. I dont mean to blame anyone, as that was not what I wish. I just experience deep touch from the group counseling class hours before. I just want u know, what happen at that time.

Group Counseling..

I felt quite helpless, but not so deep before that. In the group counseling conducted by Ammar, Miss Nicole asked us to draw a picture represent ourselves. I drew a helping hand, with a heart shape body, with wave shaped mouth. I said, many people with broken heart need help, but I just havent have enough knowledge and ability to help them. So I was not so happy. Ammar said a point, although I dont have enough ability, but I got backup support and help from others, especially my group members, coursemates, I really appreciate it.

What make me really touch coming from Miss Nicole's words. I am didnt remember what she told, but what I got from her was really touching. She felt my initiation to help, my inner strength of willingness to offer help. I realised my own weakness, but she realised my initiation to help. She guide me to see the positive initiation, instead of being defeated by my weakness. I seek help from her after that. I found out that she see things so different from me. I only think of how to make xx think more positively, but she ask me to give her more support, realise support from family, explore the world to discover what other route can be taken. Miss Nicole gives me many support, telling me that she trust that I can do it!

I know, I am not perfect. But I can do as much as I can, instead of keep thinking that I cant do so much. Miss Nicole said that we can put the seed of love in somebody's heart, and maybe it will grow after some times. I really appreciate her words. She was caring, concerning counselor. I wish that I can be like her, can really help others effectively.

Anywhere, I am fine now. Thanks Angcheng, kenkeat for being there for me that time. Maybe u didnt do anything at all, but for me, God bless me through u. Another sharing, I accompany one more friend that night, awaken by sleeping call, and chat for one hour. Wish u gain ur strength and love urself more princess!

4 comments:

  1. 4 words to u:YOU STILL HAVE ME ...

    ReplyDelete
  2. sorry roomate!i didnt realise that u so down that time...still keep saying that how happy i am...sorry...i really thought that u just tired..dun know u are so emo...next time we play ourself la...dun ask others...n i borrow racket for u...sorry...

    ReplyDelete
  3. 其实我很早的时候就有过你这种感受,那时的我也是不说。
    我知道距离是一个问题,可是我真的不想被它打败。很多时候我很难发现到你们的难处,因为我看不到你们。健杰有心事,我很久后才懂;要找汶琪了一些私事,等了三个月才有机会;以前看到你,很多话能说,现在,却突然大家都在另一个管道,陌生起来了。
    没有一个人跟我说supper night在几时,家伦见我最多次,甚至连我特意在他面前提起,他都没问我一句,我真的有很多问号。我最后还是决定去,ex-second,给着钱去!我想去,因为还想看看你们这一班朋友。可是那一天却让我感觉到自己很寂寞,自己来自己爽。第二天就听到宿舍里有人在笑我了,我没去理会,因为他不了解我,他会的,只是取笑。
    有时看到朋友们在打tennis,都在想我是不是被排除在外了?因为已经不在那里了,不是一份子了,可是疑惑的是,我却还可以看到一些ex ex second也有去打,却从来没有人问过我?尽管我这么近。上学期你常叫我去打排球,我都不得空,可是我很感激,至少你还记得我。
    有时我回到那里,除了有一种熟悉的感觉,也掺杂着一种好像被忽略了的感觉。时常回到那里,都会听到朋友投诉说我不找他,可是反回来想,他又有找过我?

    ReplyDelete
  4. 过了那段最低落的时刻。菁菁回来了。一切也回到正常的轨道了。其实,每个人都有自己的生活要顾,所以真要说谁顾不到谁,也是说不得准的。只能说,要摆脱自己的情绪,就要靠自己!很久没这样了。也许真的是上个学期过得太好,所以一时适应不来吧。。

    ReplyDelete