虽然已经做好心理准备，
但，到了这个时刻还是特别难捱。。。
之前在上面挡风挡雨的学长们，
现在要不就是毕业了，
要不就是搬走了。
感觉很不好，
很不习惯，
很灰心，
很冷，
闷。
说study week运动放松，
结果真的叫打球，
反而被讽刺科系轻松，
不用温习。
对呀，
我这科原本就轻松，
不满意你也可以转系啊。
懂不懂各人有各人的难处？
你也是可以选择的！
很想念你们，
疯得来又担当得起，
敢玩又平衡得来。
可惜，
一切尽在回忆中。
旧的去了，
新的却迟迟不来。。
仍在适应中。。。。。。
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
happy presentation
Today is the first day of study week, but still having class, due to unfinished group presentation for action research.
Truly say, this is really last minutes work, which I never like that till now. Before this, we didnt have any idea on what we want to do. So we just leave it there, keep discuss discuss but do nothing. We only start to do something, and the main things 2 weeks ago, in the middle of October. The 3 interview, 4 observation, all done within 2 weeks. Then all the stories and analysis done within 3 days. Presentation slides done within 2 days. What I can say? Last minutes only can stimulate the intellectual and afford. Although I dont like it, but it is the trend. I cant change others, but I can make sure that for individual work, I dont do the last minutes work! Now the lampiran and presentation all done already, wait print out later. The main report on the way, 80/90% already.
The presentation this morning, we are the first group. Bravo Investigators. I know got benefit for the first group usually. We got extra time to present our overall information, because time keeper is not effective at that time. Thank God, we make it. Lecturer like our story-telling presentation, it show complete flow on what we have done on our research. Satisfied with it. Feel the team work.
Really touched by the way presented by another group, Fabulous. They are some creative and famous and my favourite coursemates in counseling course. They do the topic of disabled person and how to help them. They presented it by a poem to discribe how a disabled person feels and needs. Then, its like a fashion show to introduce all the members. They not concern on what they have done in their research, but concern on what we can do for them. Its a successful presentation, and lecturer also like that very much. Its Kelly's style, creative and elegant.
Another information get from all the presentation, haha... Rupa-rupanya not paying attention in class also consider as ponteng. So, stop dreaming in the class lar.
Truly say, this is really last minutes work, which I never like that till now. Before this, we didnt have any idea on what we want to do. So we just leave it there, keep discuss discuss but do nothing. We only start to do something, and the main things 2 weeks ago, in the middle of October. The 3 interview, 4 observation, all done within 2 weeks. Then all the stories and analysis done within 3 days. Presentation slides done within 2 days. What I can say? Last minutes only can stimulate the intellectual and afford. Although I dont like it, but it is the trend. I cant change others, but I can make sure that for individual work, I dont do the last minutes work! Now the lampiran and presentation all done already, wait print out later. The main report on the way, 80/90% already.
The presentation this morning, we are the first group. Bravo Investigators. I know got benefit for the first group usually. We got extra time to present our overall information, because time keeper is not effective at that time. Thank God, we make it. Lecturer like our story-telling presentation, it show complete flow on what we have done on our research. Satisfied with it. Feel the team work.
Really touched by the way presented by another group, Fabulous. They are some creative and famous and my favourite coursemates in counseling course. They do the topic of disabled person and how to help them. They presented it by a poem to discribe how a disabled person feels and needs. Then, its like a fashion show to introduce all the members. They not concern on what they have done in their research, but concern on what we can do for them. Its a successful presentation, and lecturer also like that very much. Its Kelly's style, creative and elegant.
Another information get from all the presentation, haha... Rupa-rupanya not paying attention in class also consider as ponteng. So, stop dreaming in the class lar.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Rojak
这几天每早起来有读圣经，感觉情绪比较稳定，精神也会比较好。也许是真的要建立较强的spirit吧。希望能持续下去。
又是last minute的assignment，感觉有点烦，但还处理得来。有个同学还神经痛了，希望只是一时压力，不会是什么其难杂症才好。
下午在班上继续玩诚实信任游戏。一个很熟的朋友提出，谁一天才冲一次凉，结果只有我一个人站出来。希望你不是开玩笑，而是真的想知道有没有第二个我的同伴，不然真的有点伤人。旁边的好同学给了我个拥抱，让我在一霎那好感动。我怕冷，而且不多汗，所以没必要多冲凉。从小到大，全家人都是这样。我不认为这是不好的习惯。在那一刻，真的很介意。。但，这就是我。
我问了个问题：谁不是把家人放在心里第一位。只有3个华人站出来，我是1个。我一直觉得自己把其他人，尤其是朋友，看得很重。我不确定自己到底重视家庭多少。但，我一直都会责怪自己为什么不能把家人看重多一点。也许家里给了我太多的自由，没有太多的捆绑，让我不知道自己该给与多少才算重视。。
家伦的欢送会，太早了，没什么感觉。他是我在宿舍第一个有印象的男batchmate。忘了怎么认识，只记得，家伦是我第一个记得的名字。一个蛮好的人。有正反两面的评语。只要真诚，都是我的好朋友。可惜，也是只有一对一时聊得好。人多时，我是在他视线之外的（多数）。
最大的遗憾，是不能成为那好玩的一群batchmate中之一。channel 不对路。If I want, I know I can, but I dont have such desire. I dont want to force. 一个巴掌拍不响。如果他们已习惯原本的geng，我不想打乱。我也有我的geng哦。。对不对？
还有那个你，就是你。我没把你当有问题。只是你不喜欢分享自己的心事。我不会过分担心你。只是希望你有事不要藏在心里。不管怎样，你的事，我还是有高度的兴趣，所以会一直缠到你说为止。认识我，这就是你的命运。。
Senior说，counseling给人感觉低了一层。我是有些同感，大部分人应该也有同感。psychologist, psychotherapist, psychiatrist，怎么听都高一点。说真，counseling确实有些limitation。我们不能帮助治疗深入的精神问题，只能帮忙解决表面问题，或diagnose精神问题，然后转交其他人深入治疗。也许以后会考虑向therapy发展也说不定。也许神学。。
脑袋空空了。。2：30am了。还不能睡，赶功课中有感而发。。
又是last minute的assignment，感觉有点烦，但还处理得来。有个同学还神经痛了，希望只是一时压力，不会是什么其难杂症才好。
下午在班上继续玩诚实信任游戏。一个很熟的朋友提出，谁一天才冲一次凉，结果只有我一个人站出来。希望你不是开玩笑，而是真的想知道有没有第二个我的同伴，不然真的有点伤人。旁边的好同学给了我个拥抱，让我在一霎那好感动。我怕冷，而且不多汗，所以没必要多冲凉。从小到大，全家人都是这样。我不认为这是不好的习惯。在那一刻，真的很介意。。但，这就是我。
我问了个问题：谁不是把家人放在心里第一位。只有3个华人站出来，我是1个。我一直觉得自己把其他人，尤其是朋友，看得很重。我不确定自己到底重视家庭多少。但，我一直都会责怪自己为什么不能把家人看重多一点。也许家里给了我太多的自由，没有太多的捆绑，让我不知道自己该给与多少才算重视。。
家伦的欢送会，太早了，没什么感觉。他是我在宿舍第一个有印象的男batchmate。忘了怎么认识，只记得，家伦是我第一个记得的名字。一个蛮好的人。有正反两面的评语。只要真诚，都是我的好朋友。可惜，也是只有一对一时聊得好。人多时，我是在他视线之外的（多数）。
最大的遗憾，是不能成为那好玩的一群batchmate中之一。channel 不对路。If I want, I know I can, but I dont have such desire. I dont want to force. 一个巴掌拍不响。如果他们已习惯原本的geng，我不想打乱。我也有我的geng哦。。对不对？
还有那个你，就是你。我没把你当有问题。只是你不喜欢分享自己的心事。我不会过分担心你。只是希望你有事不要藏在心里。不管怎样，你的事，我还是有高度的兴趣，所以会一直缠到你说为止。认识我，这就是你的命运。。
Senior说，counseling给人感觉低了一层。我是有些同感，大部分人应该也有同感。psychologist, psychotherapist, psychiatrist，怎么听都高一点。说真，counseling确实有些limitation。我们不能帮助治疗深入的精神问题，只能帮忙解决表面问题，或diagnose精神问题，然后转交其他人深入治疗。也许以后会考虑向therapy发展也说不定。也许神学。。
脑袋空空了。。2：30am了。还不能睡，赶功课中有感而发。。
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
三位一体
昨天在教会听了一个很伟大的牧师的讲道。这里分享我得到的一部分。
上帝=圣父+圣子+圣灵=三位一体
圣父说，圣子行出来，圣灵显示。当圣灵不显示时，是因为圣父不说了。只有罪恶会让圣父停止说话。也许很多人看不懂这段。没关系，看下一段吧。
人类=身体+魂+灵=三位一体
身体是上帝用泥土造的，从地上来，喜欢肮脏，喜欢灰尘。
魂是真正的你，可以想，有情绪，有理想。
灵是从上帝而来的，来自天上。
人的身体是泥土造的，所以是肮脏的。就算每天冲凉还是肮脏。也因为这样，人喜欢亲近肮脏的事物，喜欢负面的消息。察觉到了吗？为什么开心的事不能让你问深入点，不开心的事却让你打破砂锅问到底？八卦杂志吸引你不断打听的是好消息还是坏消息？吓到我，我以后面对的可都是负面的想法呢。。。
灵是从天上来的。上帝是得胜的上帝，所以跟从灵就能得胜。魂要的不是成功吗？哪个人是不想成功的呢？所以，这里有个小结。
If you spirit is strong, your soul will follow your spirit. Your body dont want to be alone, so it follow your spirit too. Then, you will move to success.
If you body is stronger, your soul will follow your body. No choice, your spirit has to follow your body and soul too. Then, you move to failure.
牧师还讲了个故事。你知道吗？魔鬼是上帝从天上一脚踢下来的。摔到地上时，他就吃了一嘴巴的泥土。所以，魔鬼喜欢吃泥土。很好笑，却值得思考。
看到了吗？顺从灵的人，你会快乐，会成功，会去到天上。顺从身体的人，你会不开心（也许会开心，却不长久），会失败，会被魔鬼吃进肚子，去到地狱。
要什么样的结果，就看你种什么种子了。
上帝=圣父+圣子+圣灵=三位一体
圣父说，圣子行出来，圣灵显示。当圣灵不显示时，是因为圣父不说了。只有罪恶会让圣父停止说话。也许很多人看不懂这段。没关系，看下一段吧。
人类=身体+魂+灵=三位一体
身体是上帝用泥土造的，从地上来，喜欢肮脏，喜欢灰尘。
魂是真正的你，可以想，有情绪，有理想。
灵是从上帝而来的，来自天上。
人的身体是泥土造的，所以是肮脏的。就算每天冲凉还是肮脏。也因为这样，人喜欢亲近肮脏的事物，喜欢负面的消息。察觉到了吗？为什么开心的事不能让你问深入点，不开心的事却让你打破砂锅问到底？八卦杂志吸引你不断打听的是好消息还是坏消息？吓到我，我以后面对的可都是负面的想法呢。。。
灵是从天上来的。上帝是得胜的上帝，所以跟从灵就能得胜。魂要的不是成功吗？哪个人是不想成功的呢？所以，这里有个小结。
If you spirit is strong, your soul will follow your spirit. Your body dont want to be alone, so it follow your spirit too. Then, you will move to success.
If you body is stronger, your soul will follow your body. No choice, your spirit has to follow your body and soul too. Then, you move to failure.
牧师还讲了个故事。你知道吗？魔鬼是上帝从天上一脚踢下来的。摔到地上时，他就吃了一嘴巴的泥土。所以，魔鬼喜欢吃泥土。很好笑，却值得思考。
看到了吗？顺从灵的人，你会快乐，会成功，会去到天上。顺从身体的人，你会不开心（也许会开心，却不长久），会失败，会被魔鬼吃进肚子，去到地狱。
要什么样的结果，就看你种什么种子了。
Friday, October 16, 2009
What can we do for them?
What can we do for the beggars on the street?
What can we do for the old folks who ask for money at the food junction?
What can we do for the disabled person?
What can we do for the sicks?
What can we do for those who are sad?
What can we do for those who are in need?
What can we do for those who never hear of gospel?
Today at SS2 food junction, an old woman ask for money from one table to another. I ignore her, not look at her face, and also not give money. After she moved away, I just look at her, moving from one table to another, ask for money, until I cant see her anymore.
I ask myself, why dont I give her money? For me, asking money like that needs a lot of courage. Am I give her money because she is brave? Am I give her money because she looked so pity and in need? Why am I spending so many money on nonsense things but not for a human's need? Should I give money to those pity person before I am able to earn my own money? I think so much everytime I see those who ask for money on the street, in the restaurant... However, I seldom give.
Can I , Should I ask:... Why are you here? Where are you live? Where is your family? Why you want to come out and ask for money? How old are you? What do our country do for them?
I remember that last time pastor tell us that he choose to give the money to those people, as maybe they are cheating, but maybe some of them really in need. But will they take for granted and continually do that instead of doing something more meaningful? Sure, we cant foresee that. So how? What will you do?
Last time Zau also share that he meet a beggar in the pasar malam, and he pray for that beggar instead of giving him money. He felt that God wants him to do so.
What God wants you and me do? Will God be the one who beg and want to test us? I dont know. However, here, I want to promise to myself, next time, if I am afford, I will give. Maybe they will become demand, maybe they will take for granted, maybe... maybe.... But, I do what I can do already. That is my part.
Maybe, in the future, as a counselor, I can do more for them. I hope so...
What can we do for the old folks who ask for money at the food junction?
What can we do for the disabled person?
What can we do for the sicks?
What can we do for those who are sad?
What can we do for those who are in need?
What can we do for those who never hear of gospel?
Today at SS2 food junction, an old woman ask for money from one table to another. I ignore her, not look at her face, and also not give money. After she moved away, I just look at her, moving from one table to another, ask for money, until I cant see her anymore.
I ask myself, why dont I give her money? For me, asking money like that needs a lot of courage. Am I give her money because she is brave? Am I give her money because she looked so pity and in need? Why am I spending so many money on nonsense things but not for a human's need? Should I give money to those pity person before I am able to earn my own money? I think so much everytime I see those who ask for money on the street, in the restaurant... However, I seldom give.
Can I , Should I ask:... Why are you here? Where are you live? Where is your family? Why you want to come out and ask for money? How old are you? What do our country do for them?
I remember that last time pastor tell us that he choose to give the money to those people, as maybe they are cheating, but maybe some of them really in need. But will they take for granted and continually do that instead of doing something more meaningful? Sure, we cant foresee that. So how? What will you do?
Last time Zau also share that he meet a beggar in the pasar malam, and he pray for that beggar instead of giving him money. He felt that God wants him to do so.
What God wants you and me do? Will God be the one who beg and want to test us? I dont know. However, here, I want to promise to myself, next time, if I am afford, I will give. Maybe they will become demand, maybe they will take for granted, maybe... maybe.... But, I do what I can do already. That is my part.
Maybe, in the future, as a counselor, I can do more for them. I hope so...
Friday, October 9, 2009
Get a stomach of FIRE and BITTER WATER from UM HEP
This morning getting PBCUM teacher adviser's signature and approval for my Malam Persembahan Seni Pertuturan Cina KKD. Then go HEP, wait for 1/2 hour, meet the staff in charge, get many correction for my KKD. Its the first round I pass up my KKD, so its expected already lar. Just need to reedit it.
Then this afternoon, go there again. 2:45pm wait till nearly 4pm. As KKD has been check in the morning, and I say I have edited it, so the staff in charge ask me to key-in the data to the pentadbiran system first.
Dont know the username, password and database, ask staff A. Staff A say I am not in charge of persatuan, u go ask staff in charge. She is not there, so searching for our busy secretary. Fortunately got KaiWei accompany me for a while. Then, finally get the password from secretary, but still can not access.
Go ask the staff in charge, she ask me ask staff N. Staff N say, go ask the staff in charge. I say, she ask me come to you. So, she slowly help me check out the problem, and complaining somemore... The password expired dy, got new one... Please lar... How I know?
Then proceed with the new one. Fine, enter dy. KaiWei go back first lol. However, after fill in few details, I hang again... Dont know how to proceed to the next raw of key-in information. Bad, try many times still fail... Then go to staff N again. She says, I have help you with the password, you should go to find the staff in charge.
So I go back, find the staff in charge. She says staff N is more pro in the database. Nevermind lar, you come and key-in again on Monday. (Is over 5pm dy, they want to go back dy...)
Please lar... all from the same office. Then student got problem, why not every staff can help? I only say I cannot key-in the data, can anyone of you help? Why cant you help? I dont trust that none of you know how to do it accept the staff in charge of PBCUM. Is just key-in, nothing related with my KKD!!!
Remember last time I help UMIT14 key-in the data. The staff in charge of college activities is very nice. She concerned on me, and help me whenever I hang there. However, when comes to persatuan things, the other staff just want to reject whatever none of their business.
What kind of HEP like this?
Then this afternoon, go there again. 2:45pm wait till nearly 4pm. As KKD has been check in the morning, and I say I have edited it, so the staff in charge ask me to key-in the data to the pentadbiran system first.
Dont know the username, password and database, ask staff A. Staff A say I am not in charge of persatuan, u go ask staff in charge. She is not there, so searching for our busy secretary. Fortunately got KaiWei accompany me for a while. Then, finally get the password from secretary, but still can not access.
Go ask the staff in charge, she ask me ask staff N. Staff N say, go ask the staff in charge. I say, she ask me come to you. So, she slowly help me check out the problem, and complaining somemore... The password expired dy, got new one... Please lar... How I know?
Then proceed with the new one. Fine, enter dy. KaiWei go back first lol. However, after fill in few details, I hang again... Dont know how to proceed to the next raw of key-in information. Bad, try many times still fail... Then go to staff N again. She says, I have help you with the password, you should go to find the staff in charge.
So I go back, find the staff in charge. She says staff N is more pro in the database. Nevermind lar, you come and key-in again on Monday. (Is over 5pm dy, they want to go back dy...)
Please lar... all from the same office. Then student got problem, why not every staff can help? I only say I cannot key-in the data, can anyone of you help? Why cant you help? I dont trust that none of you know how to do it accept the staff in charge of PBCUM. Is just key-in, nothing related with my KKD!!!
Remember last time I help UMIT14 key-in the data. The staff in charge of college activities is very nice. She concerned on me, and help me whenever I hang there. However, when comes to persatuan things, the other staff just want to reject whatever none of their business.
What kind of HEP like this?
Why UM HEP staff so unfriendly de?? We are all human, we are same level, what u all prioritised?
Lesson from here, Dont be anyone like that after you go to the world of work. Dont be the one u used to hate!!Thursday, October 8, 2009
说自己
情绪又高又低再高再低。。。
讨厌人用说教的语气对我指点。我知道是为我好，希望我学好。但我需要时间。不要一直重复同样的论点。在我真正掌握之前，我会觉得很烦。好固执的我，虽然知道该怎样，但一直被指使时，还是会闹别扭。
问自己，为什么没人帮我？其实我自己都能做到，何必等人帮呢？大家都在忙，只有我在懒。与其说些废话，何不善用自己的时间呢？看到大家那么辛苦，我该做的，就是更勤力，而不是晾在那边发霉。考试要到了，几时才要觉悟哦？？
老是觉得自己不该说太多话，发表太多意见。是自信心不够吧？老实觉得说多错多，尤其是人家没回应我的话题时。要好好控制自己的嘴巴了，别说太多没有营养的话。
成熟点啦。。
讨厌人用说教的语气对我指点。我知道是为我好，希望我学好。但我需要时间。不要一直重复同样的论点。在我真正掌握之前，我会觉得很烦。好固执的我，虽然知道该怎样，但一直被指使时，还是会闹别扭。
问自己，为什么没人帮我？其实我自己都能做到，何必等人帮呢？大家都在忙，只有我在懒。与其说些废话，何不善用自己的时间呢？看到大家那么辛苦，我该做的，就是更勤力，而不是晾在那边发霉。考试要到了，几时才要觉悟哦？？
老是觉得自己不该说太多话，发表太多意见。是自信心不够吧？老实觉得说多错多，尤其是人家没回应我的话题时。要好好控制自己的嘴巴了，别说太多没有营养的话。
成熟点啦。。
Friday, October 2, 2009
上帝透过MARK提醒我的事
*凡自高的，必降为卑；谦虚的必被高举。
很多时候，我们都希望得到自己觉得是好的事物。从Mark那里学到，很多时候，我们未必会得到自己所期望的。然而，当我们开始谦卑接受上帝的安排，却会发现，原来上帝已经为我们预备了最好的。父知道我们的需要，且给与我们超过我想要的。
*上帝在门外叩门，等待我们的回应。
很多时候，我忘了求告上帝。我在处理自己的事上，都会自己去解决。但我忘了，如过我愿意花一些时间问问上帝，我会更有智慧解决所面对的事情。像Mark分享的，那个朋友花了那么多时间找LI公司，都没着落，却在Mark为他祷告后，立刻收到他成功被录取的消息。遇到问题时，是否想过，上帝就在旁边等待我们对他求告呢？
*世上确实只有一位主宰，那位创造天地的主。如果你不认识那位主，你可以称主为‘那位创造天地的主’。试想想，与其去拜那些不知谁大谁小的神，何不去求那位最大的呢？确实，我跟你说耶稣基督，你也许会反感。何不自己去发觉那位独一的上帝呢？我能做的，就是为你，为我所爱的你们祷告。
*也许我不像Mark那么多信息分享，但我可以去做自己能力范围内的事呀。知道有天堂，有地狱，却不去分享，那知道来有何用？我自己会在天堂吗？看到未信的朋友那么多，我有资格说我爱你们吗？爱到为了不要你们反感，不提天堂地狱，到将来，一起到地狱受苦吗？
*尽力去做我所能做的，其他上帝会安排。现在的享乐，换来第二次死亡，何其痛苦。看到天堂地狱那些分享，真有些感触。自己的选择，没有后悔的余地。
*上帝真的爱你！！
* I find a beautiful website, http://fernerb.com/ourMission.html
很多时候，我们都希望得到自己觉得是好的事物。从Mark那里学到，很多时候，我们未必会得到自己所期望的。然而，当我们开始谦卑接受上帝的安排，却会发现，原来上帝已经为我们预备了最好的。父知道我们的需要，且给与我们超过我想要的。
*上帝在门外叩门，等待我们的回应。
很多时候，我忘了求告上帝。我在处理自己的事上，都会自己去解决。但我忘了，如过我愿意花一些时间问问上帝，我会更有智慧解决所面对的事情。像Mark分享的，那个朋友花了那么多时间找LI公司，都没着落，却在Mark为他祷告后，立刻收到他成功被录取的消息。遇到问题时，是否想过，上帝就在旁边等待我们对他求告呢？
*世上确实只有一位主宰，那位创造天地的主。如果你不认识那位主，你可以称主为‘那位创造天地的主’。试想想，与其去拜那些不知谁大谁小的神，何不去求那位最大的呢？确实，我跟你说耶稣基督，你也许会反感。何不自己去发觉那位独一的上帝呢？我能做的，就是为你，为我所爱的你们祷告。
*也许我不像Mark那么多信息分享，但我可以去做自己能力范围内的事呀。知道有天堂，有地狱，却不去分享，那知道来有何用？我自己会在天堂吗？看到未信的朋友那么多，我有资格说我爱你们吗？爱到为了不要你们反感，不提天堂地狱，到将来，一起到地狱受苦吗？
*尽力去做我所能做的，其他上帝会安排。现在的享乐，换来第二次死亡，何其痛苦。看到天堂地狱那些分享，真有些感触。自己的选择，没有后悔的余地。
*上帝真的爱你！！
* I find a beautiful website, http://fernerb.com/ourMission.html
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